Meet the Staff of Big Johnson Racing

Below you will find all the vital facts about the people of Big Johnson Racing and what they do to make your life better. That's right, we sit around all day thinking about how to make your life better! Why, I'm not sure, perhaps Dr. Ablow can shed some light on that.

Now you can "thank" them personally. If you are tired of beating your head into the monitor because this or that page won't load, or the shopping cart has crashed for the 6th time right after you clicked the "go" button, you can come here and then throw darts or send an email to the appropriate staff member who can best pretend to work hard to resolve your issues.

Portrait	Staff Bio
	Title: CEO (Chief Executive Officer) Name: Mark Johnson Job Description: I am my horrorscope: "Some unenlightened soul out there may need a little reminder of how great you truly are. Show off your love for both innovation and tradition. Technology is your servant. Confidence is your way of life." Contact the CEO
	Title: COO (Chief Operating Officer) Name: Mark Johnson Job Description: I only had one year of premed and 4 summers in the cardiovascular lab, so my stitching can be a little sloppy - however as far as "bang for the buck" goes... ;-) Contact the COO
	Title: CFO (Chief of F***ing up Operations) Name: Mark Johnson Job Description: Math was not my best subject, but once I found out that Excel has the option for - (red) and + (black) numbers all the prices were color coded! Contact the CFO
	Title: COB (Chief Of Bitching) Name: Mark Johnson Job Description: I am the head of the Customer Service/Complaints Department, and Big Johnson Racing's token nod at political correctness & affirmative action. I am a quadriplegic gay eunuch dwarf, who is also deaf, dumb & blind, so I might be a bit slow to respond to your inquiry. I am considered somewhat soft in the head by most callers except the Democratic Party pollsters. Contact the COB
	Title: SOB (Son of a B****) Name: Mark Johnson Job Description: I am the guy that hired the COB Contact the SOB
	Title: LSD (Lead System Designer) Name: Mark Johnson Job Description: Under the guidance of Timothy Leary I design everything you see at Big Johnson Racing unless someone else did, but at the budget the CFO authorizes for outside contractors, it is mostly me. Contact the HDE
	Title: CSS (Custodial Services Supervisor) Name: Mark Johnson Job Description: I'm good with a broom and have even been known to ride it occasionally. Contact the CSS
	Title: MSS (Mail Services Specialist) Name: Mark Johnson Job Description: I'm the person busy getting coffee when your important phone call arrives and playing Wolfstein 3-D when I should be reading the email. I have 6 years community college training in basic office applications. I finally became an ordained secretarial counselor from the Universal Life Church with their "ministry in a box". Contact the MSS
	Title: PSA (Packing & Shipping Administrator) Name: Mark Johnson Job Description: I have a 11th degree black belt in taping and box kutting, and can tell you the brand of packing tape on the box by the smell of the adhesive. My cardboard recycling skills are unmatched and I am a legend in my own time at the local dumpster diving grand prix. Contact the PSA
	Title: Blondie Name: Blondie Job Description: Being Blonde Contact the REAL BOSS
	Title: Webguy Name: being zoe Job Description: The Webguy primarily vanishes for weeks on end, distracts himself with small pieces of lint, and drinks way too much coffee. Favorite Quote: "My name is zoe...I think you have heard of me." Locate the Webguy
	Title: Better Webguy Name: Scragz Job Description: The Web guy formerly known as Zoe was caught sleeping, so Scragz made a power play to the superior "Better Webguy" position Favorite Quote: "I hope it’s not Wednesday." Contact the Webguy
	Title: CSA Name: Happy Guy Job Description: The Chief Spiritual Advisor... Contact the CSA
	Title: SATAN Name: SATAN, aka "the devil" - "the evil one" - "the guy with horns" etc. Job Description: For all those things that I don't have time for, he does. Dividing his time between buying up souls and randomly re indexing his site he still has a few moments everyday to have a little fun at our expense. Contact the SATAN